Letting Them Go, A Little Bit at a Time
Motherhood is a long lesson in letting go. Not all at once. A little bit at a time.
The first day of school. The first sleepover. The moment they don’t reach for your hand. The day they don’t need you to do it for them anymore. Every letting go is a small grief. Even when it’s growth.
The Small Letting Go’s:
The first time they walked away without looking back. The first day of preschool drop-off. When they wanted a friend, not you. When they said, “I can do it myself.” When they stopped needing you to soothe them to sleep. What it feels like: Pride (they’re growing, becoming independent). Grief (they don’t need you the same way anymore). Relief (they’re capable). Loss (your baby is gone, bit by bit).
The contradiction: You WANT them to be independent. You also want them to stay small forever. Both are true.
Why It Hurts:
Because your job is to make yourself obsolete. You raise them to NOT need you. Every milestone is them needing you less. Success equals they leave.
Because their growth is your loss. The baby phase ends. The toddler phase ends. Childhood ends. You don’t get it back. Time is relentless.
Because you’re grieving in real time. While also celebrating. While also parenting the version of them in front of you. The grief doesn’t get space because you’re busy DOING.
What You’re Learning:
Holding and releasing are the same job. You hold them close, so they feel safe enough to leave. You release them so they learn they’re capable. Love is both. They’re not yours to keep. They’re yours to raise, guide, launch. Possessiveness doesn’t equal love. Letting go IS love. Every phase is temporary. The hard parts end. The sweet parts end. Nothing stays. Presence is all you get.
You’re letting go of the version of YOU, too. The mother of a baby. The mother of a toddler. Your identity shifts as they grow. You’re grieving who you were, too.
How to Let Go (Without Falling Apart):
Feel the grief. Don’t bypass it with “they’re growing up so fast!” Let yourself be sad. It’s okay. Celebrate the growth. AND grieve the loss. Both can be true.
Take the photo. Remember the moment. You can’t stop time, but you can honor it. Trust that new phases bring new joys. You’ll miss the baby stage. You’ll also love who they’re becoming. Let them see you let go. “I’m so proud of you. And I’m going to miss this.” Model that growth and grief coexist.
The Takeaway:
Letting go is the job. You raise them to leave. That’s the goal. It’s supposed to hurt. Grief and pride coexist. You can be proud they’re growing AND sad they’re not small anymore. Every phase is temporary. The hard parts. The sweet parts. All of it. Presence is the only response.
You’re letting go of yourself, too. The version of you who mothered that version of them. That’s a loss worth grieving.
Listen to the full episode where I talk about:
- The small letting go’s (specific moments with my kids)
- Why it hurts (your job is to make yourself obsolete)
- What I’m learning (holding and releasing are the same job)
- How to let go without falling apart
- The grief of watching them need you less
Your Turn: What’s one “letting go” moment with your kids that broke your heart a little (even though you were proud)? Drop it in a message.
RELATED EPISODES:
- Episode 22: Letting Your Kids Fall
- Episode 27: Spidey Senses
- Episode 04: My Daughter Came to Teach