Miscarriage & the Taboo we Need to break
One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.
One. In. Four.
But how many women do you know who’ve talked about it openly?
The math doesn’t add up. We’re hiding. We’re grieving alone. We’re carrying this loss in silence because we’re taught not to make others “uncomfortable.” We’re told it’s common, so we should be over it. We’re pressured to “try again” instead of grieving. And I’m done with the silence.
This episode is about miscarriage. The taboo. The isolation. The grief that’s real even when the world minimizes it. If you’ve experienced miscarriage, I’m so sorry. Your baby mattered. Your grief matters.
And you’re not alone.
Why We Don’t Talk About It
We don’t talk about miscarriage because:
We fear making others uncomfortable. Shame whispers “did I do something wrong?” Society says, “it’s so common, you should be over it.” We’re pressured to “try again” instead of grieving. There are no cultural rituals for this kind of loss. And the silence costs us. Women grieve alone. Partners don’t know how to support. The loss is minimized (“at least it was early”). There’s no space to process.
But 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. The silence isn’t protecting anyone. It’s isolating everyone.
What Miscarriage Feels Like:
Physically: Pain, bleeding, medical procedures that are often cold and clinical.
Emotionally: Grief for a future that won’t happen. The loss of the baby. The loss of innocence. The loss of trust in your body.
Spiritually: The baby mattered. The pregnancy mattered. Your grief matters.
Relationally: Feeling alone even when people know. Partners grieving differently. Friends not knowing what to say.
What People Say (That Doesn’t Help):
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“You can try again.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
These might be well-intentioned. But they minimize the loss.
What actually helps:
“I’m so sorry. This is a real loss.” “Take all the time you need to grieve.” “Do you want to talk about it, or do you need space?” Naming the baby if there was a name. Acknowledging the due date.
Why We Need to Talk About It:
To normalize the grief. Miscarriage isn’t a “minor” loss. It’s the loss of a future, a dream, a baby. Grief is valid regardless of how far along you were. To end the isolation. When one woman speaks, others realize they’re not alone. Sharing creates permission for others to grieve openly. To demand better support. Medical care for miscarriage is often cold, clinical, dismissive. Emotional support is nearly nonexistent. We deserve better. To honor what was lost. That baby mattered. That pregnancy mattered. Your grief matters.
What to Do If This Is You:
Let yourself grieve. This is a real loss. Treat it as such. Cry. Rage. Sit in silence. Whatever you need. Tell someone if you can. Don’t carry this alone. A friend, partner, therapist, support group. Honor the loss in your own way. Plant a tree, write a letter, name the baby, mark the due date. Ritual creates space for grief. Reject the timeline. There’s no “should be over it by now.” Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Know it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause this. Your body didn’t fail you. This wasn’t punishment.
What to Do If Someone You Love Is Going Through This:
Acknowledge it. Don’t avoid the topic. “I’m so sorry for your loss” is enough. Don’t minimize. No “at least” statements. No silver linings. Just presence. Ask what they need. “Do you want to talk about it?” “How can I support you?” “Can I bring you food, sit with you, give you space?” Remember the dates. Due date, loss date, anniversaries. Check in. Let them know you remember.
The Takeaway:
Miscarriage is common. Silence shouldn’t be. One in four. Let’s talk about it. Your grief is valid. No matter how far along. No matter the circumstances. This wasn’t your fault. Your body didn’t fail. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not alone. Thousands of women carry this grief. You don’t have to carry it silently.
Listen to the full episode where I talk about:
- Why we don’t talk about miscarriage (and what that silence costs)
- What it feels like (physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally)
- What actually helps (and what doesn’t)
- How to grieve, honor the loss, and reject the timeline
- How to support someone going through this
Your Turn:
If you’ve experienced miscarriage, I’m so sorry. You’re not alone. If you feel comfortable, share your story below, or just leave a heart so others know they’re not alone either.
We break the taboo by speaking.
RELATED EPISODES
- Episode 28: If You Can Breathe Through It
- Episode 29: A Little Broken, A Little Unhinged
- Episode 24: Your Intuition Is the Holy Trinity